Drawing

I will get some drawing done tomorrow. I will. I didn't draw today, and I only got a couple of brief sketches done yesterday. I'll do Princess Luna tomorrow. Maybe start Ariel...

I don't wanna sleep. I don't wanna face tomorrow. In fact, I don't wanna face the rest of this week. Or... any of it. It's all too much. I don't wanna face anything. I just want to curl up in bed and hide away from the world. I want to die

Mum reckons I need to either live in a ghetto, or london in order to be accepted for being trans. Err. Shut up mother, you're spouting crap. Again.

Dysphoria is roaring it's ugly head. I'm in one of my... little moods. Where everything bothers me. Everything gets to me and I'm snappy and just want to cry and break down. I generally find that this is mostly dysphoria manifesting itself in another way and it calms me if I do things towards my transition, and dress female and so on. Hate it. Maybe death would be good.

So tired. Of everything.

Oh wait, I just took my anti-depressant for the first time in two days. No wonder I sudden feel a billion times worse. Oh well, the morning will come... Like an inevitable storm.



So, the reasons my mum has listed, honest reasons as to why she doesn't want me to move out - She likes the things I do for her. And. She likes having me pay her rent. And. She reckons it'll look bad on her if I move out. Whatever. That's the closest I've got to honesty so far... Also I think she's stopped attending her mental health appointments. Sigh.

One more day. One more day here, then I'm off up to stafford to do this house viewing an seeing jen n all nice things.

Oh yeah. Went to go see the trio monday. Bussed it over to Roisin's, chatted for a bit, went to walk to Dan's house and then he drove past us on the way to the shop and we went with him, then he went home, Emma had to go do... something about rangers. And Roisin gave me some of her old clothes that she was going to give to charity - which is awesome, cos I need new clothes. Desperately. Left my bag in dan's car though, which has some drawing stuff in it, body spray, and possibly some important things but I forget what... Was nice to have a quiet evening, it's a difference from being at home.


Now. I must sleep. Even if I know I'll have nightmares. Even if I know I'll wake up feeling more tired than when I went to sleep. Even if I know I'll likely wake up in a panic. Even if I know it'll make tomorrow come sooner.
Oh, for the record, nothing significant happens tomorrow. I mean. Dentist checkup but that's it. Other than that - i just don't wanna face my mum and stuff.


Night!


Kaitie x